Living in house and flatshares can bring such joyous times; always having your best mate on hand can be truly epic. BUT at some point your flatmate(s) will lead you to despair, no housemate is truly an angel all the time.
Below are some of the most common shared rental complaints and problems we see, along with a selection of passive and aggressive solutions. Which you decide to go with, we’ll leave up to you…
Housemate not paying the bills
I text my flatmate asking her about money for bills and she text back saying she didn’t realise she would be included in the bills??????
— كريس (@cvxis) May 30, 2015
Passive solution: Keep your cool and get them to pay up when they can / do the communal shopping without kick-back / take you out for a slap up meal on their credit card. Next time bills are due, give them lots of notice and don’t share the real bill due date.
Aggressive solution: Change the wifi password until they pay, by accessing your router settings, usually via this link: http://192.168.1.1/. They’ll soon stress out about lack of internet (no more porn or Netflix), and final cough up what they owe. Failing that, some public shaming via social media should speed up payment in future.
Flatmate hits snooze leaving their phone alarm going off
housemate’s phone alarm has gone off on snooze every 5 minutes for about 30 minutes. *grabs shotgun*
— Ariel King (@RegalMermaid) May 5, 2012
Passive solution: Call their mobile phone, which will interrupt the alarm causing it to stop, giving you more sleepy time. (Although this risks them calling you back / knocking on your door asking why you called)
Aggressive solution: Completely lose it, storm through and turn their alarm off, then change the default alarm time to a lot later. With any luck they won’t check when setting it for the next day, making them late for work – haha, suck on that!
Roommate never does the washing up
Passive solution: Wash what you need to use, then get on with it. If things get really bad, keep your own kitchen equipment hidden away in your room. This means you’ll always have clean stuff to use. Alternatively use disposable cutlery and paper plates (not best option if you care about the environment).
Aggressive solution: Don’t get mad, get even! Cooly and calmly take all of the dirty dishes they’re responsible for and dump it on their bed, or in front of their bedroom door if they lock it. Another option is to do the washing up, but do it so badly (leave them barely any cleaner), leaving them to have to do it all themselves.
Flatmate having loud sex, keeping you up
real nice having to hear your flatmate have sex whilst trying to get to sleep at 4am — amy (@cupsoflouis) January 16, 2015
Passive solution: Buy yourself some ear-plugs and go back to counting sheep. The next day, ask them if they had a good night and drop subtle hints about them / they’re sex buddy being a screamer. This should hopefully embarrass them enough to keep it down next time.
Aggressive solution: Bang on the wall and shout abuse – although this could backfire leading to an increase in orgasmic volume. Another option is to pretend you have no idea what’s going on and run in like a hero, to see if everything is ok. This should kill the mood for them, bright red faces all round!
The last resort
Anyone have any advice on how to evict a flatmate!? He is destroying a great flat in Chancery Lane with his unacceptable behaviour #WEIRDO
— William Davies (@Just_William86) May 27, 2012
If things get really bad, seriously considering moving out / asking your flatmate to leave. Life’s too short to live in a hell hole with inconsiderate housemates!