As soon as you move into your own place, the first thing you want to do is throw a party. It’s natural. It’s that inner-teenager in you. All those adolescent dreams of “man, when I’m older and I live on my own, I’m going to throw a huge party every weekend” are finally coming true. Although, admittedly, you probably won’t throw one every weekend (you’re not an animal) and the “house-warming” party you’ve told everyone about will probably get postponed by eight or nine months.
BUT, eventually the time will come when the stars align and the party will happen. It’ll either be underwhelming, with most people leaving by 11, or overwhelming, with no one getting there till eleven. Whatever happens, there will be a mess in the morning. A mess that YOU need to sort out before the uptight guy who lives upstairs gets back from his weekend away in Kent. These are some easy steps to get the house spotless faster than you can say hoover.
Get an “on demand” cleaner
Now, this is only for extreme circumstances. If there’s more vomit than carpet in your lounge and more urine than water in your bathroom then just call in the experts. You’re hungover. You don’t need to mess about. This is an expensive solution to your problem, granted, but money doesn’t matter when you’re hanging. Just type in “Same Day Cleaning Service” into Google and you’ll be awash with options – HouseKeep is a good cleaning option in London. You can just sit there and watch Netflix.
Whoever crashed helps
Whoever passed out on your sofa or on your kitchen floor is your own personal cleaner. You were good enough to house them, now make them work for their bed. Find it too awkward to ask? Simply clean around them and keep asking them to pass you things or move. They’ll soon get the message.
Lure your neurotic housemate(s) in
Everyone has a clean-freak housemate. Can’t think who the one in your house is? It’s probably you. But if it’s NOT you, then lure them into the kitchen and just sit there. Soon they’ll snap and just start scrubbing. If they moan? Offer to make them breakfast/lunch/dinner depending on what time you rolled out of bed.
After particularly brutal parties, everything in your house will be covered in spilt Sambuca and every service will be home to a can of Fosters. Salvage nothing. Get the blackbag, and scoop it all in. There are still some crackers in this box? Bin it. Half of this gin is still good? Bin it. If you want to get things sorted quickly, just blind binning is all you need. (be warned, environmentalist types may not like this ‘everything get’s binned’ attitude, and may prefer to recycle some stuff…)
Mop mop mop
Whatever happens, just mop. The mopping is the most important part. You can probably leave the rest of the mess till you’re feeling better, but that sticky kitchen floor cannot stay. Mop and you’ll feel better.